Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
