do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
