6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
