super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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