he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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