this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
