So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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