I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
