I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
