i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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