there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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