What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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