you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize