she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize