Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
