happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
