Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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