he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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