And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
