I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
