i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
