people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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