So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
