No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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