just come out here and I will go home with you...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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