Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
