The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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