I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
