omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
