I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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