How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
