Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
