Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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