Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
