This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
