Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
