if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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