I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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