I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize