its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This house was built for laser tag.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
