You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the night ended with taco bell and tears
being pregnant is like rehab
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize