Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So vagazzling was a success
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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