I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
