I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
