Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The best revenge is premature balding
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
