I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
