Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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