Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
