Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
