youre lurking in front of me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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