So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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