Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize