Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
