the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
