Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
