Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
