I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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