once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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