Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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