Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
