the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
