I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
