I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
