Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
