Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
