I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
