i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You were trust falling into bushes
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
